She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
