the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
