You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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