do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
