i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
