I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
