You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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