just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
