just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
