No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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