I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize