gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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