I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize