Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
