yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
