"it" just moved
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
