You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
