capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
