Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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