I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Couch. On fire.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
