captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
