That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
