It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
love makes seman taste better
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
