My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
