People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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