bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
