i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
