**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
