you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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