then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
