He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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