I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
