Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
bring money and cleavage
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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