During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
