i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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