I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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