how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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