I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the room spins SO much faster in panama
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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