I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
