God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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