you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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