One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
