i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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