I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
