I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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