i jhust puked up my retainher.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
