You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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