How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
