I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
