Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
