Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
