in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Terrible idea I love it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
