i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
