Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
