i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
