i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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