32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize