first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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