is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
