...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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