4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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