i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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