You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Watching her eat just hurts me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
