C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
