Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
