this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize