Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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