can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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