I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
