my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
