you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
