i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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